If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
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it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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