mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
She's better-looking with the mask on.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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