So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
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