Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Randomize
