Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
im having a threesome with these popsicles
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
