did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
