They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
