my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I deserve to be covered in dicks
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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