I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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