no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
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I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I need a beard to bite.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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