I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
they need to just BURY HIM!
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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