JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Randomize
