So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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