if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
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Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
he high fived his dick after we had sex
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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