When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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