my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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