i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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