Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
