Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
