I hate all girls vehemently.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
