He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Randomize
