I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
