I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
