You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
