im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
