I want to make a zoo with you.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
