she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
