The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
