Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
