guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
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i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
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What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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