I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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