Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
