You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
