Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
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