I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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