Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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