do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
