you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
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