just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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