I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
