better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
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