And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
4 words: hood of his car
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
