Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Randomize
