the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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