are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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