I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
