Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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