i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Randomize