i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
