I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
