are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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