I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
