Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
