Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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