I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
