god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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