i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Well I just put wine in my tea
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
