You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
