Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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