I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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