the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
