i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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