This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Randomize
