Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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