I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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